Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
