after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
