Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
