I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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