Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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