She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
