you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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