We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
