Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
please come you make the beer taste better
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
