you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
