this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
