so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
