Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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