Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
