I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
