Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
