It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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