I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
