alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
