You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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