So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
