I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
