The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
