Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize