he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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