Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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