You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
