smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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