...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
