they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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