no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize