That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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