Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
