we'll go far in life on tits alone.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
