I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
