happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
