I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
