They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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