I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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