and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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