i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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