his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize