I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
