did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
