My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he puts the penis in happiness.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
