apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
