I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
