So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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