There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
