alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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