Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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