My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
