Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
