Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you win again, gameday.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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