I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
