While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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