a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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