u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I came so hard my ears popped.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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