wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
there is glitter all over my balls
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