I'm jealous of your bromance
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
