She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't deserve a penis
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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