I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
