Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize