I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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