The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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