Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I could fuck to npr.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
