you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize