I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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