Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
